you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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