I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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