why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I touched a dick in church today
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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