have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
