this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize