I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize