Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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