By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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