my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
