I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
