I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize