We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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