I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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