Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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