i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
