meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
