Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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