Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
