Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize