Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
