the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
