One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
