This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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