Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
These tits shall not be calmed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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