oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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