During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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