I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish i was in the wii world.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
