just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
