dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
