he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
