If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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