Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
