I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
A+ Viking dick
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