i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
