Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
