put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
