Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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