so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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