No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
