Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
