So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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