I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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