Just cropdusted the office
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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