I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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