wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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