How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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