Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
