Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
