where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
