he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
