If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize