hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
