Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
