found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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