I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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