3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
