Im at strip club and am horny
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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