Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
