I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
