so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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