it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
