Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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