I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
