talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
