I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
