WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
