How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
