You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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