omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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