omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
