apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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