Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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