His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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