I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
