if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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