everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
