Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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