I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
