oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
