wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
