i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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