I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
