After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
