quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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