He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
