I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
