My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
