So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
where are you?
Hypothermia
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
