I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I puked a lego.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
