I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my being single is dangerous.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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