It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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