yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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