either way he was missing a nipple.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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