So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
