Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All the doctor said was why
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