well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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