I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
