Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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