i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
