the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
