he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
