update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
