I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
