plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Mom said you looked used
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
