i would punch a child for taco bell
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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