i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
