how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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