When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
