I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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