i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
