I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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